In My Mom Era

I turn 40 next month. That’s a pretty big number, and I’m not quite sure how I got there. They say time flies by, and we’ve all heard it a million times. We still can’t quite grasp how fast it does go.

I’m turning 40 next month, and I still have NO idea what I want to be.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a gymnast. A professional gymnast, just like Keri Strug! Maybe without hurting my ankle, but still. But that dream would’ve had to start at like 2, so that didn’t happen.

Then I turned 14 and wanted to model, because I got this little card in the mail from Barbizon stating someone thought that I might be interested in going to modeling school. Well, of course, that was IT!

So, after some begging, I went to the audition, talked to Monica, and she told my parents and me that I had what it took. Just go to some classes and get my career started. Well, it’s not quite that simple, come to find out.

The classes were a lot of fun. I learned makeup, clothing, how to walk, how to strut, how to make friends, how to be comfortable in my own skin. I learned a lot of really great things there – and I started “modeling.” I sold Jergens’ lotions at WalMart for 4-6 hours on Saturdays for a promotion and did so well talking folks into buying that lotion that I won a little award from Jergens! I still have that bag somewhere.

Then I did a few modeling competitions, and realized that walking across a stage in front of a lot of people, in a bikini, was one of the requirements. Well, that didn’t last long. No way, Jose! I got a trophy for  best smile in the Miss America Under 18 beauty pageant, and then I was done with that.

Next, I literally fell into working for a big, huge office downtown. A.G. Edward’s. 19 years old, no college degree, just entry-level typing, math and filing questions, and I made it in! I got my own little desk, Kelly Hearn, on the 4th floor of the A building.

Was it my dream job? Hell no HAHA. But it was work, and it allowed me to have an “adult” job, Monday – Friday, 8- 4. I couldn’t go and enjoy the happy hours properly yet, but that was OK. I made some pretty awesome friends those first few years. I’m still in touch with a few of them now – 2 of them are some of my hands-down best friends 🧡.

Then, I kept working. I got promoted. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, so I kept doing what I was good at. I applied for different, higher-paying jobs in the firm, I turned 21, and started attending those happy hours.

I started a part-time job to bring in some more money, and went out with my friends on the weekends. I was having fun, though I still wasn’t doing my dream job.

Well, now 20 years have gone by. I went through a few pretty substantial buyouts while working there. But I still kept climbing the ranks and earning my keep.

I got married, traveled, had my 5 babies, all while working at that same office building. When the pandemic hit, I was sent to work from home, which fit right in with the kiddos’ daycare being shut down!

And then, the world moved on, but I kept working from home, which got increasingly more difficult as the years went by – for me to get my job to agree with me to allow me to stay home. It all went smoothly until this past March.

They let me go. “Downsizing.”

First there was the shock, then the um… WTF do I do now? Then the OH THANK GOD THEY LET ME GO! All pretty much within the space of 4 or 5 hours. I got a severance package based on how many years I worked there, so I haven’t had to jump right back into the workforce just yet.

I’m sitting here at 2 PM, on a Wednesday, waiting for the boys to get out of school, listening to Sam Hunt and the laughter/screaming of the littles in the back of the car, writing this post about what I want to be when I grow up.

The truth is, I have no fucking idea. I never really had a plan for my life. Which, honestly, fits me pretty well. I want to be able to pack up on a Thursday morning and drive 3 states away for a book sale. I want to travel to Europe one summer and live as a local somewhere.

I want to track down little cemeteries all over the country and try to track down the stories of those who left before us. I want to learn. I want to write a book. I want to sing, I want to model again, maybe do some TV work. I want to meet people I adore. I want to spend all day reading in a chair on a beach while my kids play in the sand.

None of that fits in a pretty little box that I can conjure up. So I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing now. Helping my kids grow up, reading books, writing memories, coming up with grand vacations I’ll never be able to afford, and dreaming.

Here’s to all of you out there who haven’t figured it out yet, either.

You’re my people.

Kelly