In My Mom Era

I was folding the laundry. But the babies started yelling. Not screaming yet, just jabbering. Damn, nap time is over. Head into their room to grab them.

Damn it, “ADDY, WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!? GIRL. You have got to leave your clothes on, baby!! Come here, grab on, yep, let’s just set you on the floor – make sure you grab bunny-dee-dee! Where’s your cup? Colton, grab panda.”

Colton, “Get me milk. Addy milk.”

“Yep, I’ll get you guys milk. Come on, let’s put Paw Patrol on. Nora, grab your cup too.”

Nora, “I CAN’T, MOMMY. I DON’T KNOW HOWWWWWW…..”

I SWEAR if I could just have 1 hour to accomplish shit, this house would be so much nicer. And THIS is why I have 47 tabs open.

“Nora, I’m not picking up your cup for you. If you want milk too, then you’ll bring me your cup.”

Great, there go the tears. WHY is there an ant on the sink!? Son of a bitch! Where is the cleaner? Paper towels? Where did I put those damn things??

“Oooh, Addy, don’t take that from him! He’s just going to take it back! Do you guys want an apple? Let me cut one up.”

That’s where the damn ants came from – the OTHER apple. Ughhhhh, ok. Apple first. Get three bowls, put the knife in the sink, and get the littles settled for 5 damn minutes.

“OK, here you all go, are we good? Yes, yes? OK, great. I’ll just be right over here folding the laundry.”

Oh shit, the ants – ok, let’s just clean that up really quick. Hmmm, I should do the dishes while I’m standing here. Dang it, apparently I didn’t empty the dishwasher yet. OK, first things first. I need this washcloth cleaned. Ok, laundry first.

DAMN. The laundry. Well, I’ll just start this load and then get to the dishes and then the laundry.

The laundry room is still apparently the only room in the whole house that hasn’t fallen to the mini army that’s living here. Why can’t all the rooms be like this? Oh, I still need to hang those hooks so I can hang the coats.

Where did I put those hooks? Hmmm….

Ok, done with that, now I think I saw those hooks in my room – oh my GOD, these DRESSERS. OK, well, maybe if I just put all this junk from the top of this one onto the bed, I’ll get through it, and then I’ll have the space I need for all those new books I bought.

I really need to pee. Ugh, BOYS. I swear I’m teaching them how to clean the damn toilets! When they’re home from school. “Oh, Colton, what’s wrong, buddy? What happened? No, don’t close the door. I said DON’T close the door!! What are you… whatever. Not that big of a deal.”

I really need to stop talking out loud to myself. I mean, is talking to myself in my head bad? I should ask ChatGPT… oh Lord, who knows what rabbit hole we’d go down then.

Oooooh, my Book of Rabbit Holes. I kind of want to watch a movie…. I’m going to see what that one was about with Lizzie Borden!

“Nora, why are you crying? Oh shoot, you brought me your cup a little bit ago, didn’t you? I’m so sorry, let me go get you some milk too!!”

Ok, took care of her. Good grief, I need a break… I STILL HAVEN’T FOLDED THE DAMN LAUNDRY.

97 tabs open, 0 closed. My life has outdone me. Again.

You too?

Kelly